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Franka Dec 10, 2012
I have a question. Resting on any day with an event will skip the event that occurs on that day. Is it supposed to be like this, that you are punished for not knowing when a scripted event will occur, or is this a mistake?



I'm also seeing a number of what I believe to be grammatical errors, but I'm making a list so will wait a bit on presenting them.
jack1974 Dec 10, 2012
Yes when you rest you skip the event (if there's any), but the event is not missed, just put in a rotating queue. So it only means that you will see it later anyway.

About the errors sure you can post here the list, so I can spank sleepykitten :lol: (I'm joking, she's doing a great job!) Are you playing the 0.72 ? she just sent me a bunch of correction this morning that I have added in 0.72.
jack1974 Dec 10, 2012
Oh also I'm going to add a text to each of the job ending on the next update since I think is better than just showing the image with the work outfit :)
Franka Dec 10, 2012
I noticed the event thing while I was doing some testing and rested on day 3. That event hasn't come up yet by day 20.



The testing I was doing involved resting every other day to always get breakthroughs on skill training. Isn't that borderline cheating, as you can increase your skills extremely quickly this way? Or is that considered "strategy"? ;)



And yes, I'm playing 0.72. Just grabbed it this afternoon.



A couple of non-grammar things:



In the description of skills, it says, "Once you reach 100 in a skill," Shouldn't that be 50?



When inviting a character to an activity, the text in the right hand corner window sometimes overflows. The font size needs to be decreased.
jack1974 Dec 10, 2012
Ahh yes, if you rest early in the game there might be problems indeed! Also as you say it seems cheating. Will change it so you can rest only if your energy is below 25%, is more realistic too :)

The description of the skill is wrong since varies by level. It's like in a RPG, in the beginning you need 50, then after level 5 you need 100, and after level 10 you need 200. So will change it "once you reach the max value in a skill", I think that should work ?

Will also check the text overflow. Thanks for all those bug reports! :)
Franka Dec 10, 2012
Maybe you could say "Once the progress bar is full"?



Ok, I played up until finding Jack, and have compiled a list of grammar issues so far.



First of all, I'm not out to get anybody or anything, so please don't take offense. You might also disagree with me on some of these, my English certainly isn't perfect. Having said that, I think that you would gain much from having a proofreader, who isn't the author, read through the entire script. I know exactly how hard it is to proofread your own writing, especially something that you've written recently. Anyway, this is what jumped at me as I came across it:



Problems with grammatical tense:

“I moved closer to Morgan and gave him my sweetest smile, batting my eyelashes as prettily as I can.”

– “as prettily as I could.”



“Black started to explain it some more, but a loud knock disturbs us.”

– “disturbed”



“Morgan gave me a very ice glare, but I continued with what I have to say.”

– “had to say.”



“We started searching the instant we arrived on land, but after several hours we haven’t found a single thing.”

– “hadn’t found”



“I honestly don’t know if I should feel grateful for running into him again or not, though. His rude manners and rough looks still scared me.”

Either “I honestly didn’t know” or if this is Heileen thinking in real time, “rough looks still scare me.”



“Did she get worried because I mentioned that Robert was in trouble? Or was it because one of us is missing?”

– “was missing?”



Other grammatical/typo stuff:

"Off of"

Came across a few of those. This isn't good English, except in certain specific cases. Generally speaking, simply using "off" would be just fine.



“I’ll most likely give you everything you want.”

– I would say “anything you want”



“I arrived in front of his cabin door”

– maybe “arrived at his cabin door”



“Morgan appeared from a corner of a room”

– “a corner of the room”



“Services she offers in private, and are only reserved for you.”

– “Services she offers in private, that are reserved for only you.”



“Oops! I might have exaggerated my gratitude a little bit.”

– The way exaggerated is used here, it sounds like she wasn’t actually grateful. I would rephrase this to “Oops! I might have shown a little too much gratitude.”



“So all of you should be proud and honored that you are under his fleet,”

– I would say “that you are part of his fleet,”



“I don’t see it as much as a problem anymore, now that I have the life and wealth I always wanted.”

– “I don’t see it as much of a problem anymore,” or perhaps “I don’t think that’s a problem anymore,”



“Both of them were very close to each other, like they were about to fight.”

– first line sounds like they’re best friends. I would say “Both of them were standing very close to each other,” or perhaps “Both of them were in each other’s face,”



“Ebele continued to shout over Robert’s constant apologizes, but I was too busy looking at Jack to notice them much.”

– “constant apologies”



“Juliet laughed as pushed me out of the way, while Ebele approached me.”

– “Juliet laughed as she pushed me”
jack1974 Dec 10, 2012
No problem, I don't think any of the writer will be ever offended. When you write 100,000 word of texts, or when you have to proofread them, is easy to miss something :)
thesleepykitten Dec 10, 2012
Not at all. With over 250 K (base + yuri expansion) to edit...



Some errors were already caught and fixed in an updated script, some not, so thanks for pointing them out. =)
biscuit Dec 10, 2012
Yay, breather with finals; hardest one out of the way, have an extra day to study for my next one. :)



I just want to clarify a couple things here: the stats/skills building part has absolutely no effect on romances, yes/no? And the virtues/sins you accumulate only affect the profession endings?



If that's the case, then I agree with Jack that in future updates, there should be some kind of text for getting a profession ending, so it feels like a true 'good ending' (even if you choose not to do romance). Otherwise, it seems like very much an afterthought.



Also, I know it would mean much more work for you sleepykitten (and any other writers), but it seems a little.... wasted, if you can build up all your skills and invite other characters to train with you, and then have no impact on plot or even minor dialogue. (Ex: If you fence a lot with Juliet, then have your love interest compliment you, or Ebele ask 'how can you stand that woman?!')



I think it would be cool, but I also realize that would delay final release! :O



(Keep in mind I have only played the demo though, so I have yet to see the full impact. I'm just basing my comments off what I have read in this thread. I'm going to see if I can try a full playthrough later today. :) )
Franka Dec 10, 2012
Here's some more grammar stuff, and that should be enough for today. ;)



Someone’s in love with the phrase “scantily dressed.” There’s nothing wrong with it, it just shows up a number of times in rapid succession. Alternatives: Scantily clad/clothed, daringly dressed, revealingly dressed, provocatively dressed; I’m sure there are others.



“My very near-death experience changed my life.”

– I would say that “very” is superfluous.



“I guess he really has changed even if this wasn’t the best idea to test it.”

– “wasn’t the best way to test it.”



“Elias looks like he has really changed, doesn’t he?”

“He sure has.”

– “He sure does.”



“Think about it. Our other friends might be on a savage island, desperately trying to survive and unsure of if they are going to see the next day.”

– of if isn’t good. “unsure if they are going to see another day.”



“Guess all of them are eating in the dining hall right now.”

– “Guess they’re all eating”



“My voice trailed off as I started thinking about the others we haven’t found yet.”

– “hadn’t found”



“I looked at her delicate features. From her silky hair, to her pretty face, to her expressive eyes, everything about her is beautiful.”

– “was beautiful.”



“Hah! So it was all just a facade, huh.”

– I don’t think façade is the right word here. Maybe “Hah! So it was all just an act, huh?”



“Even if I felt sleepy, I needed to win over my laziness and go with them on their mission to help the natives.”

– Sounds like she’s trying to convince her laziness of something. Maybe “I needed to overcome my laziness”



“Thanks! Heileen, let us go! We need to help Elias.”

– Sounds like Heileen is keeping somebody prisoner. Maybe “Heileen, come with me!”



“Inside we found my uncle, Otto, with scratched clothes and looking slimmer than usual.”

– “torn clothes”



“Why did he always have to prioritize other women first?!”

– “first” is redundant.



“We saw Lora dancing a very sensual dance to a very slow song.”

– I would say “We saw Lora performing a very sensuous dance to a very slow song.” Note sensuous rather than sensual.



“Hey. Who’s that other one with you? One of your...”

– “Who’s that you’ve got with you?”



“Lora looked at him, quickly shook her hand, and then gave him her sweetest smile.”

– “quickly shook his hand,”



“For goodness sake, Heileen. We feel that it would be safer”

– “For goodness’ sake, Heileen.”



“She pointed at a man who is intently staring at her.”

– “was intently staring”
jack1974 Dec 10, 2012

I just want to clarify a couple things here: the stats/skills building part has absolutely no effect on romances, yes/no? And the virtues/sins you accumulate only affect the profession endings?

Correct, the skills have no impact on romance, and the virtues/sins affect profession endings only.

If that's the case, then I agree with Jack that in future updates, there should be some kind of text for getting a profession ending, so it feels like a true 'good ending' (even if you choose not to do romance). Otherwise, it seems like very much an afterthought.

Yes, I'll add them for sure. Today went out to stock on food since they say will snow here, and also relaxed a bit but I hope to write them all tomorrow !

Also, I know it would mean much more work for you sleepykitten (and any other writers), but it seems a little.... wasted, if you can build up all your skills and invite other characters to train with you, and then have no impact on plot or even minor dialogue. (Ex: If you fence a lot with Juliet, then have your love interest compliment you, or Ebele ask 'how can you stand that woman?!')



I think it would be cool, but I also realize that would delay final release! :O

I thought about this but I am not sure will add that because wanted to get the game out for Christmas (also the game is already quite big). But even if I add it in a future update I think should be non-repeatable events, otherwise is not fun to read the same thing every time you do a job :)
biscuit Dec 10, 2012
Another comment: on the breakthrough and level up screens for the 'herbalist' advanced job, I get a little smiling icon of the chibi face next to the larger image.



Edit: More typos



When invited to take a nap with Jonathan, during the conversation when I accept, Marie yells:



"Fine then. Let that bastard bring you to hell." 'bring' should be 'take'



Also, when I had Heileen snoop around Juliet's room to check if she and Morgan had been having 'fun', Heileen ran back to her cabin. While speaking with Black, I got this line.



"Black rolled his eyes at my drama and retreated under the bed, poising for the first chance to dart out of the room."



'poising' should be 'poised'



Later in that same scenario, Morgan comes in, and I got this line of text:



"Morgan opened the door right." (sentence fragment)
AokoKaze Dec 10, 2012
I think the cook ending may be bugged. When I clicked on that profession ending, the game crashed and I received the following error message:



An exception has occurred.

While running game code:

File "game\endings.rpy", line 227, in script

IOError: Couldn't find file 'gfx/bg/kitchen.jpg'.
biscuit Dec 10, 2012
Some other miscellaneous typoes. While following Sebastian's romance path, Heileen catches him 'taking a sunbath'. I believe that should be 'sunbathing', as in he wants to sunbathe, or he changed his mind about sunbathing, or whatever. It pops up repeatedly, so the tense would change. (Sunbathing is a verb!)



Edit: Ugh, and I typo on the character's NAME while posting about typos/grammar...



Edit2: Speaking of character name typos...



After confessing her love and while trying to stop Sebastian from diving, Heileen yells

- "Sebasian, listen, you don't need to---- Yaaaaah!"

While I may not have typed 'yaaah' in there correctly, I DO know that "Sebasian" should be "Sebastian"
MarSel Dec 10, 2012

Also, I know it would mean much more work for you sleepykitten (and any other writers), but it seems a little.... wasted, if you can build up all your skills and invite other characters to train with you, and then have no impact on plot or even minor dialogue. (Ex: If you fence a lot with Juliet, then have your love interest compliment you, or Ebele ask 'how can you stand that woman?!')



I think it would be cool, but I also realize that would delay final release! :O

I thought about this but I am not sure will add that because wanted to get the game out for Christmas (also the game is already quite big). But even if I add it in a future update I think should be non-repeatable events, otherwise is not fun to read the same thing every time you do a job :)


I was thinking and yes it would make more work for any writer but would the event have to be the same? Like say... The fencing with Juliet maybe a short event or one of the romance event happens after you do 10 "jobs" with her 20 "jobs" with her. (just numbers here but you get the ides) Just to make the game all... I don't know seem connected.
thesleepykitten Dec 11, 2012

- "Sebasian, listen, you don't need to---- Yaaaaah!"

While I may not have typed 'yaaah' in there correctly, I DO know that "Sebasian" should be "Sebastian"


Yaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! :lol:



I was thinking and yes it would make more work for any writer but would the event have to be the same? Like say... The fencing with Juliet maybe a short event or one of the romance event happens after you do 10 "jobs" with her 20 "jobs" with her. (just numbers here but you get the ides) Just to make the game all... I don't know seem connected.


Hrm...



Basically when people mentioned the idea of little scenes, I brought up the notion of having 6 scenes per profession. Basically the characters that give +/- 1, 2, 3. And being a one-time only view. So you'll get to see Black running away with the chess pieces, Heileen dragging Sebastian out of the church before he steals the donation box ( o.o; ), Juliet teaching Heileen how to fence, etc.



Or, using the Juliet + fencing example... Would you prefer a series of short scenes using the +3 character with that profession only? So you'll get to see Heileen improving in that skill with the +3 character in a few scenes. With Juliet eventually respecting Heileen's new fighting skills at the end.



And of course if it's a love interest involved, depending on the affection, lines of dialogue could be altered to reflect it...



And again, thanks everyone for reporting any typos/grammars/inconsistencies. ^^v Seems no matter how many typos I fix...




Also, might be easier to list typos in a spoiler box, so easy to click and check and keep the conversation focused on the gameplay/story/characters. Since I'll mostly be the one checking it over. ^_^v



I'll admit only 1% of my writing actually *appears* in the game. :lol: So I'm hesitate to make drastic changes (since I'll be redoing someone else's hard work ;; ) unless the bossman gives the okay.
jack1974 Dec 11, 2012
Another comment: on the breakthrough and level up screens for the 'herbalist' advanced job, I get a little smiling icon of the chibi face next to the larger image.

Ah thanks, I probably put wrong coordinates! :lol:
I think the cook ending may be bugged. When I clicked on that profession ending, the game crashed and I received the following error message:

Yes, in this case I put the wrong image filename... ! But I'm going to write all the profession text endings today, so will check them all again :)
I'll admit only 1% of my writing actually *appears* in the game. :lol: So I'm hesitate to make drastic changes (since I'll be redoing someone else's hard work ;; ) unless the bossman gives the okay.

I give you the okay for that, some short scenes are OK. We agreed to this by email:
So instead of 6 scenes for each profession for +/- 1, 2, 3, it'll just focus on the +3 character for a few scenes.



So basically whenever Heileen picks fencing with Juliet it'll go like this:



first scene

Juliet: You're terrible, Heileen! Worst fighter ever!

2nd scene when you reach level 5 in Fencing:

Juliet: You're not half-bad.

Final scene when you reach level 10:

Juliet: I underestimated you. You are a wonderful fighter... BUT NOT AS GOOD AS ME.



So there's LESS scenes, but probably more important since it encourages people to use the +3 character and learn a bit about them.

Doing this seems ok since shouldn't be too much extra work (remember that I want to have the game ready for Christmas!! 8)
Franka Dec 11, 2012
More grammar/typos:




“I stared at the dress for a while, then the thought of John and Morgan ogling at Lora hit me.”

- just “ogling Lora”



“I now understood why she did all of this. She wanted to cheer me up, and I’m happy to say that it worked!”

- “and I was happy to say”



“My depression has disappeared completely, and I was smiling during the entire dance.”

- “had disappeared” or “had gone away”



The scene where Lora and Heileen meet a boy in Port Royal leading them to Jonathan. Heileen thinks that giving the boy a few GOLD coins for directions is not enough. Really? The value of gold must be pretty low.



“Don’t you think you’ve had more than enough?”

- Sounds like he’s been drinking. Maybe “Don’t you think she gave you more than enough already?”



“I blinked my eyes in my confusion.”

- “in confusion.”



“ship boy”

- comes up a couple of times. “ship’s boy” or “cabin boy”



“Yeah, we should all head back to our cabin and get some sleep.”

- “cabins”



“Everyone watches me as I chewed and swallowed...”

- “watched”



“Marco’s new dish was a big success, and everyone plenty.”

- “ate plenty.” or “had plenty.”



“I was so embarrassed that I wasn’t able to choose my wording carefully.”

- “my words”



“We turned around to see what is.”

- “what it was.”



“We walked on the bridge a bit more”

- “We walked around the deck for a while longer”



“She smiled and ran towards me, then the two of us start crying tears of joy”

- “started”



“Lora and Otto ran toward us and hugged Marie, tears forming in all of their eyes.”

- How many eyes do they have? “tears forming in their eyes.”



“And as if to add insult to injury, Lora came closer to me and commented on how much cuter Marie has become.”

- “had become”



“Speaking of suffer... I don’t feel so good.”

- “suffering”



“I tried to walk back to the ship, but my head started to spin”

- “began spinning” Mostly because the exact same phrase is used a few lines later.



“But no matter how good-looking he was, I must not let my defenses down!”

- “I couldn’t allow myself to let my defenses down!”



“This man looked and acted friendly, but... should I believe what he says?”

- “could I believe what he said?”



“I don’t know why... but there was something about this Sebastian guy that I like.”

- “liked.”



“Guys! You know that we can stay as long as...”

“...let us women entertain them!”

- “...the women among us entertain them!”



“Juliet blinked and stared at her, while Lora continues talking.”

- “continued”

Franka Dec 11, 2012
That was the end of the demo for me. I liked what I saw, the character interaction is nice. I will be waiting for the yuri edition before forking over the $$$ however, so that will be end of my typo list. :air_kiss:



Will silly stuff be in the game though? There's a typo or two there as well.
jack1974 Dec 11, 2012
Yes silly stuff will be there! I wrote that part myself, what did you find ?