Winter Wolves - Roommates - Roommates BETA! 0.9.6 (25.02.2014)

mizu_ki Feb 17, 2014

Another sprite issue:

Anne x Isabelle massage scene - The text said that Anne was in her workout outfit but she is clearly in her bathing suit.

jack1974 Feb 17, 2014

Yes, picked that sprite instead of the jogging one because was a bit more revealing :wink:

annyo84 Feb 17, 2014

Sorry, i am still here lol

I'm starting Rakesh route now and i'm on week 2 following your walkthrough. In your walkthrough it says that there is a Saturday event with him but i just played week 2 and there wasn't one.

jack1974 Feb 17, 2014

Ah I remember it: was moved, to week 6 tuesday, will update the walkthrough

jack1974 Feb 17, 2014

I uploaded 0.8.9 with probably the latest gameplay changes (see the first post for details). I think from now on will be only bugfixing and typos

Oniyuri Feb 17, 2014

Version 0.8.8

I've started my next playthrough, but I decided to give the feedback I had so far after seeing that version 0.8.9 is out. I'll continue my playthrough with the new version.

Typos, etc.

[list=1]

[*] game/story.rpy 335: Maybe add an exclamation mark?

[*] game/story.rpy 464: Max says "Ah it's fine" - comma after "Ah"?

[*] game/story.rpy 646: Dominic says "Oh I'd love to, Isabella" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/story.rpy 1227: It reads "something a worth a little less" - remove "a".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 206: Max says "You'll never get anywhere just being a wallflower girly" - comma before "girly"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 209: Isabella says "Bottom's up!" - remove the apostrophe.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 500: Max says "Yeah that's pretty much it." - comma after "Yeah"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 551: Anne says "No I'm not." - comma after "No"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 613: It reads "our way back to Latin house without any" - capitalise "house".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1115: Rakesh says "how the the plant has painted its face bright" - remove the extra "the".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1116: Anne says "you really think a lot about these sorts of things don't you?" - add a comma before "don't"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1142: It reads "a flower with a dark blue petals" - remove "a'.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1145: It reads "I'm not sure if he's listening to me, he's already twining the flower onto the other side of my head." - maybe rather than using a comma before "he's", make it two sentences?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1154: It reads "but he dodges my grabs" - "grabs" to "grab"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1155: Anne says "The other two must be back home by now, let's just meet them there okay?" - add a comma before "okay" and maybe rather than using a comma before "let's", make it two sentences?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1157: It reads "make our way back to Latin house" - capitalise "house".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1257: Dominic says "The change from High School was pretty dramatic." - lowercase "High School".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1260: Dominic says "Just takes a lot more dedication than High School." - lowercase "High School".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1271: Dominic says "Oh I'm mostly working on my master's courses." - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1279: Dominic says "ha ha! It's okay." - capitalise "ha".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1286: It reads "Dominic gives me a lopsided chagrined smile." - comma between "lopsided" and "chagrined"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1289: Anne says "That's still pretty incredible you've pulled all that together!" - maybe to "It's still pretty incredible that you've pulled all that together!"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1705: It reads "I thought he was in his room too...." - the ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1707: It reads "I hear Dominc's slam" - "Dominc's" to "Dominic's".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1792: Anne says "Oh have you played this game before?" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1793: Max says "I think I played it by another name..... Really I just wanted to get better booze" - the ellipsis has 5 dots instead of 3 and maybe a comma after "Really"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1837: Anne says "Oh all right! A 10." - maybe a comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1895: It reads "Max unfortunately seems to be out to get us all drunk." - commas before and after "unfortunately"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1994: Max says "Oh now you're just picking on me!" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 2204: Dominic says "Oh shut up you douchebag." - commas before and after "shut up"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 2213: It reads "Honestly I'm just glad for the distraction" - comma after "Honestly"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 2297: Max says "You take one shoulder I'll take the other." - comma after "shoulder".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 2421: It reads "Oh why not. It's not like I" - maybe to "Oh, why not?"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3059: The sentence is missing a full stop.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3094: It reads "some more structured study times. as well." - replace the full stop with a comma.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3309: Rakesh says "I had on shorts the whole time." - "on shorts" to "shorts on"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3318: It reads "while I go looking for something help him scrub" - change to "to help".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3330: It reads "Rakesh begins scrubbing at his arm but it's" - comma before "but"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3353: Anne says "It looks like this is oil based paint" - "oil based" to "oil-based".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3393: Anne says "Help me rub this on to the covered spots." - either just "on" or "onto".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3401: Anne says "At least use water soluble paints." - "water soluble" to "water-soluble".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3486: Anne says "Oh you too Rakesh?" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3753: Anne says "Were you ... were you watching me?" - remove the space before the ellipsis.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3779: Isabella says "Oh is that so?" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3782: Isabella says "Oh you're fine Anne" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4098: It reads "Wait, Max...." - the ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4430: It reads "I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks but..." - comma before "but".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4134: It reads "I wonder if he took this to mean something more...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4136: It reads "Oh this is too terrible." - comma after "Oh"?

[/list]
Considering the way the dash is used in the following sentences, I think there should be a space before it:
[list=1]

[*] game/story.rpy 571: It reads "Sitting in a smoke-filled room with a complete stranger- even one who seems perfectly nice- is still"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 600: It reads "There's a large boy in a football uniform looking at me- kind of angry, kind of grossed out."

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1239: It reads "Dominic grins at me for a moment- he's got such a pretty smile- but still seems"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1803: Rakesh says "The card's meanings are as follows- A '2' means"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 2699: It reads "It must be my imagination- he's got those pretty"

[/list]
Scheduler activity descriptions:
[list=1]

[*] Art Store: "Oh we can do that." - comma after "Oh"?

[*] Yoga: "I need to com here more often." - "com" to "come".

[*] Park: "Some guy just gave me a tip...." - the ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[/list]
Schedule screen help text:
[list=1]

[*] "some consume energy, other cose money" - "other" to "others".

[*] "more than enough time to raise your the stats" - either "your" or "the".

[/list]

If you think the comma after e.g. "Oh" is unnecessary, let me know and I'll stop reporting it.

jack1974 Feb 17, 2014

Thanks for the typos report

If you think the comma after e.g. "Oh" is unnecessary, let me know and I'll stop reporting it.

Honestly I don't know, personally I would put it, but will ask writer what he thinks

JoanneLakeMichigan Feb 17, 2014

Hi, I'm sure some, if not all, of these typos must have been spotted in the game after 21 pages of replies :D

I browsed through some of the posts, but not all of them - I have some studying to do myself for college etc., so I'll just post what I found.

Week 5 Monday

Dominic returns his attention to me, searching for the spot it hurts.

I don’t know, “searching for the spot that hurts” just sounds better to me.

Week 7 Tuesday

Dominic: We probably wiped about 16 times. It was extremely frustrating and I just went to bed when we were done. So now, I’m behind.

Wiped out 16 times?

*Also, I don’t want to sound weird, but Isabella’s conversation on Week 10 Thursday with her mother seems a bit odd. I’m not fluent, but I was curious if a native speaker wrote that bit or not. If not, let’s have Deji give it a go ☺

Week 14 Tuesday

Isabella makes sarcastic air quotes around ‘us’. I’m guessing he didn’t exactly her about her opinion first.

…didn’t exactly ask her about her opinion first.

Week 14 Saturday

What drove you to choose Max? What made them the better choice.

him

Week 17 Wednesday

Isabella smiles and kisses my cheek tenderly as I get down onto my bed.

Technically, it is her bed.

Week 21 Friday

As long as I was hear though, I went ahead and printed off my grades for the year.

here

Celso, bravo again on another one of your games

Your characters always remind me a bit of myself or open my mind more and teach me something new about myself I haven't realized yet. Also, I usually learn a lesson from your games, and those are my favorite kind of stories. I kinda wish Anne and Isabella had a happy ending (I'm a happy ending kinda gal), but I guess life could go either way. Anyways, I could always write a personal fanfiction and keep it to myself lol

Oniyuri Feb 17, 2014

Version 0.8.9

I haven't played as much as I thought I would, but here is the feedback I have up to this point.

Typos, etc.

[list=1]

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4532: Sally says "Yeah, that sucks.... how will we" - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4559: It reads "Still I could always back out...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4561: It reads "Umm... well...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4916: Sally says "Tell me all about it when you get back okay?" - comma before "okay"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4943: It reads "I can feel my cheeks getting red...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4952: Memphis says "The owner, Gaz lets us use" - comma after "Gaz".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4974: It reads "I always though rockers like this hated" - "though" to "thought".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5028: Anne says "Umm.... that you were hired" - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4609: It reads "worried about Dominic finding out...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5080: It reads "I wish that were less common around here." - "were" to "was"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5159: Anne says "Well I don't mind lending a hand." - comma after "Well"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5187: Isabella says "I know right?" - comma before "right"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5266: It reads "Rakesh waits for me though and makes sure nothing drops." - commas before and after "though"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5281: Anne says "Oh that isn't necessary." - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5287: It reads "I think we came out pretty well." - from the context "it" instead of "we"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5466: Dominic says "Anne, please, we're you're friends." - "your" instead of "you're".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5641: It reads "the differences in our courseloads" - "courseloads" to "course loads".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5786: Isabella says "Oooo.... That looks" - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5858: Isabella says "You slaughtered the goat earlier right?" - comma before "right"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5937: Isabella says "Girl knows how to party...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6026: Anne says "Oh this'll be so much fun!" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6771: Anne says "Thank you, butler." - capitalise "butler".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6775: It reads "my hand grasps something...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6802: Anne says "Well thank you Butler." - comma before "Butler" and maybe after "Well"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6946: Anne says "How long did it take you to have wrapped him around your little finger?" - "wrapped him" to "him wrapped".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6947: Isabella says "Oh not long at all." - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6953: Isabella says "That was before we got here right." - maybe to "That was before we got here, right?"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7002: It reads "I'll have to look more into things!" - maybe to "into things more"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7074: Anne says "And how did you fit into his plans, if you don't mind me asking miss." - replace full stop with question mark and maybe add a comma before "miss".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7090: Anne says "Well, Rakesh, what's your story." - replace the full stop with a question mark.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7103: Anne says "surely you could have found somewhere else to work." - replace the full stop with a question mark.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7121: Rakesh says "I hope it's not yours is it?" - comma before "is it"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7196: It reads "it's got all kinds of juices but no alcohol" - comma before "but".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7203: It reads "Come to think of it I haven't really seen" - maybe a comma before "I"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7209: Anne says "hiding out in here huh?" - comma before "huh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7344: Max says "You're really enjoying yourself aren't you? You get into this sleuth stuff don't you?" - comma before "aren't" and "don't"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7346: Anne says "Why'd you do it, the money?" - maybe to "Why'd you do it - the money?"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7350: Anne says "Mmm-hmm.... I take it" - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7354: Max says "I'm not his favorite person or anything but we're" - comma before "but".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7359: Max says "She's doing fine...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6220: Anne says "Easy, Rakesh...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6628: Anne says "from the very start, the Butler! - change either to "the butler" or just "Butler".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6665: Max says "Oh I'll definitely remember this." - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6373: Rakesh says "Yes I wanted out from under him." - comma after "Yes"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6394, 6287: Anne says "the Butler did it" - change to either "the butler" or just "Butler".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6243: Anne says "Sorry, Isabella but your charms" - comma before "but".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7128: Rakesh says "Apparently Roxanne had been quite" - comma after "Apparently"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7375: Anne says "Yes it was." - comma after "Yes"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6268: Isabella says "What do I care what people think." - replace full stop with question mark.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6781: It reads "get into vending machines very often...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6130: ??? says "wanted out of his job but couldn't get" - comma before "but".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6986: Isabella says "I don't know which safe it goes to though." - maybe "belongs" instead of "goes" and a comma before "though"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 7138: Anne says "You recognize the safe it goes to?" - maybe "belongs" instead of "goes"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6427: It reads "Rakesh and I laugh as the others argue continue arguing." - remove "argue" or "continue arguing".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6688: It reads "The Latin house roomies gather in the lot" - capitalise "house".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6692: Anne says "I can't believe how much fun was that" - "was that" to "that was".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6705: Isabella says "Well hey if you got it, flaunt it." - commas before and after "hey"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6705: Isabella says "for some skeezy old business man" - comma after skeezy?

[/list]
Space before the dash:
[list=1]

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4938: Max says "Also- who brought who"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4940: Max says "Memphis, Anne- one of my roommates."

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5474: It reads "Okay, I won't lie- it's nice having boys throw"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5588: Max says "Close- a four hundred page book"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5714: Isabella says "Trust me, you want an icebreaker- that costume will"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 5801: Rakesh says "No- wolf, Isabella."

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6960: Anne says "Okay, one more question- take a look at this for me?"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6587: Anne says "future would be secure with his death- you struck!"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 6976: Isabella says "but Hillary- you know, Max's wife- was the eldest"

[/list]
Activity description:
[list=1]

[*] Yoga: "Ohhhmm.... I am one" - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[/list]

On the schedule screen, the help text reads "At the end of every day, you'll regain 5 Energy from sleeping." - "5" to "10". Adding the text "(+5 Energy)" to the "Skip It" choice explains things nicely. Also confirmed that the advanced job replacement in the scheduler works

(it makes it a lot more convenient!)

MrEnvy8 Feb 17, 2014

Version 0.8.8

I've started my next playthrough, but I decided to give the feedback I had so far after seeing that version 0.8.9 is out. I'll continue my playthrough with the new version.

Typos, etc.

[list=1]

[*] game/story.rpy 335: Maybe add an exclamation mark?

[*] game/story.rpy 464: Max says "Ah it's fine" - comma after "Ah"?

[*] game/story.rpy 646: Dominic says "Oh I'd love to, Isabella" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/story.rpy 1227: It reads "something a worth a little less" - remove "a".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 206: Max says "You'll never get anywhere just being a wallflower girly" - comma before "girly"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 209: Isabella says "Bottom's up!" - remove the apostrophe.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 500: Max says "Yeah that's pretty much it." - comma after "Yeah"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 551: Anne says "No I'm not." - comma after "No"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 613: It reads "our way back to Latin house without any" - capitalise "house".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1115: Rakesh says "how the the plant has painted its face bright" - remove the extra "the".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1116: Anne says "you really think a lot about these sorts of things don't you?" - add a comma before "don't"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1142: It reads "a flower with a dark blue petals" - remove "a'.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1145: It reads "I'm not sure if he's listening to me, he's already twining the flower onto the other side of my head." - maybe rather than using a comma before "he's", make it two sentences?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1154: It reads "but he dodges my grabs" - "grabs" to "grab"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1155: Anne says "The other two must be back home by now, let's just meet them there okay?" - add a comma before "okay" and maybe rather than using a comma before "let's", make it two sentences?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1157: It reads "make our way back to Latin house" - capitalise "house".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1257: Dominic says "The change from High School was pretty dramatic." - lowercase "High School".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1260: Dominic says "Just takes a lot more dedication than High School." - lowercase "High School".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1271: Dominic says "Oh I'm mostly working on my master's courses." - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1279: Dominic says "ha ha! It's okay." - capitalise "ha".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1286: It reads "Dominic gives me a lopsided chagrined smile." - comma between "lopsided" and "chagrined"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1289: Anne says "That's still pretty incredible you've pulled all that together!" - maybe to "It's still pretty incredible that you've pulled all that together!"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1705: It reads "I thought he was in his room too...." - the ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1707: It reads "I hear Dominc's slam" - "Dominc's" to "Dominic's".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1792: Anne says "Oh have you played this game before?" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1793: Max says "I think I played it by another name..... Really I just wanted to get better booze" - the ellipsis has 5 dots instead of 3 and maybe a comma after "Really"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1837: Anne says "Oh all right! A 10." - maybe a comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1895: It reads "Max unfortunately seems to be out to get us all drunk." - commas before and after "unfortunately"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1994: Max says "Oh now you're just picking on me!" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 2204: Dominic says "Oh shut up you douchebag." - commas before and after "shut up"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 2213: It reads "Honestly I'm just glad for the distraction" - comma after "Honestly"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 2297: Max says "You take one shoulder I'll take the other." - comma after "shoulder".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 2421: It reads "Oh why not. It's not like I" - maybe to "Oh, why not?"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3059: The sentence is missing a full stop.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3094: It reads "some more structured study times. as well." - replace the full stop with a comma.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3309: Rakesh says "I had on shorts the whole time." - "on shorts" to "shorts on"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3318: It reads "while I go looking for something help him scrub" - change to "to help".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3330: It reads "Rakesh begins scrubbing at his arm but it's" - comma before "but"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3353: Anne says "It looks like this is oil based paint" - "oil based" to "oil-based".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3393: Anne says "Help me rub this on to the covered spots." - either just "on" or "onto".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3401: Anne says "At least use water soluble paints." - "water soluble" to "water-soluble".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3486: Anne says "Oh you too Rakesh?" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3753: Anne says "Were you ... were you watching me?" - remove the space before the ellipsis.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3779: Isabella says "Oh is that so?" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 3782: Isabella says "Oh you're fine Anne" - comma after "Oh"?

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4098: It reads "Wait, Max...." - the ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4430: It reads "I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks but..." - comma before "but".

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4134: It reads "I wonder if he took this to mean something more...." - ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 4136: It reads "Oh this is too terrible." - comma after "Oh"?
[/list]
Considering the way the dash is used in the following sentences, I think there should be a space before it:
[list=1]

[*] game/story.rpy 571: It reads "Sitting in a smoke-filled room with a complete stranger- even one who seems perfectly nice- is still"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 600: It reads "There's a large boy in a football uniform looking at me- kind of angry, kind of grossed out."

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1239: It reads "Dominic grins at me for a moment- he's got such a pretty smile- but still seems"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1803: Rakesh says "The card's meanings are as follows- A '2' means"

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 2699: It reads "It must be my imagination- he's got those pretty"
[/list]
Scheduler activity descriptions:
[list=1]

[*] Art Store: "Oh we can do that." - comma after "Oh"?

[*] Yoga: "I need to com here more often." - "com" to "come".

[*] Park: "Some guy just gave me a tip...." - the ellipsis has 4 dots instead of 3.
[/list]
Schedule screen help text:
[list=1]

[*] "some consume energy, other cose money" - "other" to "others".

[*] "more than enough time to raise your the stats" - either "your" or "the".
[/list]

If you think the comma after e.g. "Oh" is unnecessary, let me know and I'll stop reporting it.

That is a bunch! Thanks!

Gonna explain me and commas and why I'm not necessarily fixing everything you pointed out here.

So... I'm gonna get a little artsy-fartsy hack writer preachy here about the way I write. Please keep in mind this is the way I think about things, not necessarily fact:

I tend to write the way I speak, or the way a character would speak. That means while I try to adhere to correct grammar, grammar takes a back seat to the way a character would speak. For instance "Anyways" isn't a word, but if a character would say that due to their personality, upbringing, a joke, etc, I'll absolutely use it.

So, onto commas: The reason for commas is to represent a pause or breath or in the structure of a sentence, or to denote something as an aside from the main structure of the sentence. Generally you would put a comma after an "oh" or an "ah" because it's an aside (and grammatically correct, to a certain extent, but see the above). However, it changes the way you read those interjections. Take, for example, the phrase "Oh my god". It contains an "oh" but doesn't contain a comma. That's because the entire phrase is an interjection. Now think about how you would read the phrase "Oh, my god". It sounds different than the original interjection, because the comma puts a pause into the words.

Onto my writing in particular: So you reported the following:

" game/story.rpy 464: Max says "Ah it's fine" - comma after "Ah"?"

The comma after "Ah" here would be like putting it after "Oh" in "Oh my god". The entire phrase is meant to be an interjection. It's meant to be read as one solid phrase said quickly and (in this particular case) dismissively. I could just as easily replace it with "Nevermind" or "Don't worry about it". Perhaps not absolutely grammatically correct, but I think the thought process is sound, so it's the way I go about things.

All of this is a long winded hack way of saying "It's my stylistic choice"

Now if you tell Jack: "I'm not buying a single other one of your games until that hack writer stops murdering English", then I'm sure we'll have a talk.

So feel free to keep reporting them, but I'm not going to guarantee I'm going to change all of them.

On a more technical level: I was taught that four elipsis end a sentence. So if a sentence trails off into a full stop, it ends with four dots. Some research today shows that's not necessarily the case. I'll need to look more into it, and welcome your feedback. 5, though, is right out.

I've gone through and fixed a bunch of them. Behind the spoiler is why you might see some of them still in the game. This is for both of your posts, which I'm going through right now. A couple of call outs-

[*] game/scenes1_edit.rpy 1154: It reads "but he dodges my grabs" - "grabs" to "grab"?

I'm implying that she grabs for him multiple times. Changed to "keeps dodging my grabs" to clarify.

5287: It reads "I think we came out pretty well." - from the context "it" instead of "we"?

Changed to "we cleaned up pretty well" to clarify.

7103: Anne says "surely you could have found somewhere else to work." - replace the full stop with a question mark.

This is a statement.

shibaluvr Feb 17, 2014

I noticed that Rakesh has that Bindi on his head in the scheduler activities when he says a line. Usually during the art store activities...

And... that should be the last of Rakesh with a Bindi on his forehead! (I hope...)

Miakoda Feb 17, 2014

Not to clog up the thread to much, but MrEnvy8's reasoning and rules are quite correct.

Of course, one can also see how rules also can change (like in the use of ellipses).

Oniyuri Feb 18, 2014

All of this is a long winded hack way of saying "It's my stylistic choice" Now if you tell Jack: "I'm not buying a single other one of your games until that hack writer stops murdering English", then I'm sure we'll have a talk.

So feel free to keep reporting them, but I'm not going to guarantee I'm going to change all of them.

Nah, I'm perfectly aware of writer's freedom, so there's no way I would ever insist on a change. From the beginning I have also assumed that if something wasn't changed, it was intended, so I ignore it from there on out (and if it happens that I report something twice, it's a lapse of memory on my part).

I am just not always sure about the intention, so that is why I end up reporting the stuff I am uncertain about, just in case it is a typo or something (so feel free to tell me to ignore any specific stuff or to change the way I report them). I hope I didn't offend and apologise if I did!

On a more technical level: I was taught that four elipsis end a sentence. So if a sentence trails off into a full stop, it ends with four dots.

As far as I can remember we were taught to only use 3 dots in an ellipsis, but I have to admit that I took English as a second language (and that was a long time ago), so I wouldn't be surprised if there are a few misses. That's also why I sometimes check up on rules on the internet whenever I am unsure about something. (And that's also part of the reason why I think some slang or regional lingo is sometimes lost on me.)

Anyway, so from this it should be ok if I ignore an ellipsis with 4 dots?

As a side note: Since it was a weekend, I had a lot of free time on my hands, but in the week I'll only be able to play in the evenings (so it might be slower going for me to report anything).

jack1974 Feb 18, 2014

I've read the post by JoanneLakeMichigan and Oniyuri, thanks for the reports. From now on if are only typos/grammar I'll let writer (MrEnvy

decide what to do.

If you find gameplay bugs let me know (maybe point them out more from the typos otherwise might get lost).

I noticed that Rakesh has that Bindi on his head in the scheduler activities when he says a line. Usually during the art store activities...

And... that should be the last of Rakesh with a Bindi on his forehead! (I hope...)

Are you sure it was showing in 0.8.9? because in that version I removed it even in the scheduler image

On the schedule screen, the help text reads "At the end of every day, you'll regain 5 Energy from sleeping." - "5" to "10". Adding the text "(+5 Energy)" to the "Skip It" choice explains things nicely. Also confirmed that the advanced job replacement in the scheduler works (it makes it a lot more convenient!)

Cool, fixed the wrong Energy amount in the help. Glad that the "automatic upgrade" of jobs is working well too!

mainland Feb 18, 2014

What are the grades requirements to see the spring break cg romance playing as max with Anne (apart of 150 organization and 100 rational)?

jack1974 Feb 18, 2014

Anne requires also 80 relationship, giving her the perfect Valentine gift and 500 grades. She's not easy to get :wink:

Maelora Feb 18, 2014

I kinda wish Anne and Isabella had a happy ending (I'm a happy ending kinda gal), but I guess life could go either way. Anyways, I could always write a personal fanfiction and keep it to myself lol

Joanne, they do have a happy ending! Or at least, they CAN have one!

It's kinda hidden, but you need 600 points between Spontaneous and Active.

Anne then joins her in Mexico and they both become teachers together.

Izzy's parents tease Anne about her Spanish, so they're basically a married couple at that point.

MrEnvy8 Feb 18, 2014

At this point I'm considering changing the bad Anne X Isabella ending to just read "YOU MISSED THE HAPPY ENDING, TRY AGAIN."

Also: spoiler tag that business, yo

Miakoda Feb 18, 2014

At this point I'm considering changing the bad Anne X Isabella ending to just read "YOU MISSED THE HAPPY ENDING, TRY AGAIN."

But how does one access the ultra-secret chupacabra ending?

More seriously, looks like an official release won't be too far off now

Maelora Feb 18, 2014

Ah, sorry about the spoilers, Mr E! <blush>

I think you should just re-write the bad ending so that Izzy murders Anne and writes 'You lose, try again suckers!' on the screen in blood...

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